Be A Good Kitty – Lance Cross (Joint 3rd place)

Finally, we have Lance’s entry. A fantastic story that really is worthy of placement. We thoroughly enjoyed it, and hope you do too!

Be A Good Kitty

by Lance Cross

‘I hate cats,’ said Jon, ‘Why would we want to kidnap one?’

‘We’re not going to keep it idiot,’ said Kera, ‘We’re going to sell it.’

Jon frowned. ‘Why? Who is going to pay for a crappy Be A Good Kitty?’

‘This is not a Be A Good Kitty. It’s real.’

Jon’s stomach churned. ‘People who can afford real cats can afford to make real catnappers disappear. Why don’t we just let this be the one that got away?’

‘Because this is the one. I can feel it in my bones.’

‘Would that be the titanium bone you got when you tried to rob the Buzzjoy dispensary or the plasteel bone you got when you picked the fight with the Goth botherers?

‘Religious freaks! They were supposed to be a non-violent sect,’ said Kera, remembering swirls of black leather, white makeup and pain.

‘And anyone with a real cat is going to have real security so how do you think you’re going to get within shooting distance of the flea bag?’

‘The maid walks the cat every day. She takes it once around the park with three jacked up goons then as a special treat she buys it an ice cream tube while the goons stand around comparing muscle boosts.’

‘Ha! And the goons aren’t allowed within 20 metres of a public amenity.’

‘Exactly. We grab it, jump on the bike and we’re off. They won’t risk shooting at the cat.’

Kera was confident she had Jon hooked.

‘Well, I’m still not biting.’

‘Why? It can’t go wrong.’

‘You should get that tattooed on your forehead as a reminder of all the times it hasn’t gone right,’ said Jon.

‘It’s a real cat. We could retire.’

‘I’ve got 16 points on my licence. One more offence and I go into deep freeze for 5 years. I might even lose citizenship.’

‘You’re always going to be small if you think small,’ said Kera.

‘No, I’m always going to be in trouble if I hang around with trouble.’

‘Pretty please. This is the last thing I will ever ask you to do,’ said Kera, batting her lashes.

‘Yes, I think it might be. That’s why I don’t want to do it.’

20 minutes later they were leaning on the side of the ice cream cabin sharing a tube of mango and Goji berry until Kera heard the machine taking the maid’s order.

Jon dropped the tube. They pulled stockings over their heads and rounded the corner of the ice cream dispenser.

Kera pointed a stunner and yelled ‘Freeze!’

The startled maid stood clutching a chocolate ice cream tube in one hand and a lead in the other.

At the end of the lead was an exotic mix of Rottweiler and hyena with plasteel scales on its hind quarters. It eyed Jon and Kera as its teeth flashed a rainbow snarl of industrial diamond.

‘That is not a cat,’ said Jon.

‘No. That is not a cat.’


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